About a month ago I auditioned for a mini series called Chasing the Devil. It centers around Gary Ridgway, The Green River Killer. Some pretty frightening stuff. I thought nothing more of it, as I have learned to do with film. I
it's a strange business... where so much is left in other people's hands, and so much depends on the way you happen to look, and your incredibly short audition. For years I couldn't even get and audition for film.. and then out of the blue they start calling. All you can do is shake your head and give up trying to understand or change for them. I had given up on the film side of acting all together, telling myself - you obviously just am not made for the camera. I was fine with that. In fact, after an especially grueling 5 month long children's tour, I was feeling a little disillusioned about the entire acting thing. Questioning if this is the right place for me... Do I really want to live like this... It's one thing to act when you are a child and teenager, even acting professionally as a young person as I did. It was wonderful, exciting and that which i defined my identity on. But it's quite another to think of living as an adult and being an actor. Even with my consistent work coming in I still have a hard time at the bank..... I still have to go back to the part time jobs in between... still being rejected 99% of the time.... I was asking all these questions. Not getting any clear answers. I did start teaching theatre at MTYP and loved it. Maybe I just realized that it doesn't have to be ONLY acting. That there is room for alot in my life... and it doesn't have to mean giving it up all together either.
ANYWAY... sheesh... As I was saying... last week I received a call saying that they wanted to make me an offer in the miniseries. I went " WHAT???". I thought it to be a strange turn of events to just get a audition but a part... the idea never even crossed my mind.
My entire persona as a girl who just doesn't get film parts was shattered. Strangely enough I got a little bit mad. Like hey! I had almost given all this up! Whatcha doing giving me a part now???. But as I have come to realize from my father god/ the universe / the stars / life ( whatever you want to call it) has a definite sense of humour. And great timing. Very comedic timing.
Really I love being surprised and proved wrong. Humbled. I love that it pulled me back in just as soon as I was ready to leave the game. It said - wait a minute here. You arn't done yet. And I knew I wasn't. Inside I knew.
So yesterday ( since it's 3 am... too much sangria at dinner gave me scary dreams) I filmed my first ever professional film gig. I play Luanne, the killer's wife, who has no idea of the killings. It's just a small role, but one of the scenes is a backyard wedding set in 1988. I had a pink lace wedding dress and HUGE hair.
I was terribly nervous before I got there but on set I just had lots of fun. Met great people. Had a good time doing the scene. It was special. There is something special about that first time you do something.
back to dreamland now.. hope the dreams are much less vivid this time around.
do you need a bodyguard? because you are going to be very famous soon. I am applying in advance. Later I wont get the chance.
Posted by: shahid | August 25, 2007 at 01:10 PM