There is alot of wedding information out there. Alot of sites. Alot of blogs. Alot of message boards with alot of people talking about alot of things. It can feel a little bit like when you see junk food.... when you see that delicious ice cream sundae ( or chocolate bar or chips.. pick your poison) you think, I want that. You know it's not very good for you. You know if you eat the whole thing you are going to feel sick. But you are drawn to it. And lo and behold when you start eating it you want more. And then before you feel stuffed and a little dazed.
This is often how I feel when I start looking at wedding sites online. I'm drawn to them. I even like reading them in small doses but after too long I get that same stuffed feeling. There is just SO much. It is a good reminder that this is an industry. A HUGE industry that creates expectations and feeds on them.
I think I am doing a fairly good job of staying balanced about it all.... but I am acutely aware of the tendency to think about the wedding and not the marriage. It is very important for me to remember what the dress and the invitations and the food are all there to celebrate. A union. A commitment. A extremely important decision. One I don't want to get clouded by all the details.
So far the big surprise is that I actually am enjoying planning this wedding. I like looking at colours and thinking of ways to have fun and make people feel at ease and show who we are. It's a project. And I love projects.
This is a very big surprise. Before getting engaged I never thought about marriage. Ever. I was not a little girl that imagined her wedding. Fiercely independent. Committed to her career. I never even thought about being in a relationship. Let alone marriage. And even now I am not girly. I don't like the idea of showers, or the colour pink, I really don't want to wear a crown or a sash that says just married during a stagette... I'm low key. My eyes didn't tear up when I tried on the most beautiful dress in the world. I went " hmm. how 'bout that. I look good and I can dance in it too."
And yet. I like planning. I'm into it. I like being organized. So can i be into planning this wedding and still remember the important things? Can you look at all those sites without forgetting about the meaning behind it? It doesn't have to be one or the the other right?
Sometimes I feel like people assume if you are too into the planning you have forgotten the meaning behind it. I plan to prove them wrong. We plan to prove them wrong. I'm never very good at having people tell me what to do. Everyone will have an opinion. The magazines have opinions. Friends. Family. But in the end it only matters what we know in our gut. Guts are great.
We are reading a book called why marriages succeed or fail, recommended by my Dad. It's not quite aimed at the bride and groom to be but I think is important. We also want to take classes or counseling. I think these are important steps.
Sometimes my worry can lead to fear and anxiety. I was struck by a phrase on my dad's blog from about a week ago when he talked about fear. Which is something I have also spent alot of this spring and summer thinking about. That the opposite of fear is not courage but faith. I would also add that courageousness comes from faith. A knowing that you cannot prove and yet believe is there. It is unfortunate that the word faith has religious connotations because i experience faith physically. A gut response. A knowledge that comes from a deep breath. Letting go of preconceived thoughts and letting whatever bubble up come to the surface. Then trusting it even if your rational mind screams in protest. I believe that by opening our bodies we can experience faith inside us and open ourselves to inspiration from the outside world as well. This journey can be religious, spiritual, solitary but i think boils down to stripping away layers ( opening ones body, breath and releasing the mind) and discovering what is at our centre.. what cannot be proven or measured but what exists none the less... and then if the journey further leads to church, or yoga, or synagogue to find others who share the faith you have found then great.... but i believe it all has started at the same place. That we have more in common then are different. This is why I simply cannot understand the fundamentalist way of thinking. I am right. You are wrong. We are so different. Life is black and white. You are with us or against us. You must subscribe to a certain doctrine to be " saved". I cannot perceive others as threatening when i see so much that is the same between us.
well that was a bit of a tangent.
If anyone has any recommended reading I would be happy to have suggestions.
Comments