control control control

control. control. control. It has recently dawned on me just how much effort most of us put into trying to have control over our lives. We write down our long term and short term goals in our journals. We work out detailed plans on how to achieve those goals. We have a food plan and a exercize plan to loose 10 lbs in a month. We go to school to persue that dream job. We save up money to travel. We do it because in our head we have created a picture of happiness. If we could just loose 10 lbs, or get that job, or find that guy, or travel to a foreign city then we would be happy.  But I think enough of us know that even if you fit into the jeans, or fall in love, or travel all across the world it doesn't guarantee happiness. In fact, as soon as we get to where we thought we wanted to be, we just start planning again.  Why? because planning gives us the illusion of control. It helps us to think that we determine who we are, what will happen to us, where we will end up.
But it is an illusion. We don't know. We do not have the slightest idea what will happen to us in our lives. This realization can feel like your foundation has been ripped from under you. And sometimes it causes us just to dive deeper into the need for control. We study harder. We exercize more. We refuse to accept the reality that we simply do not know.
But what this realization can also give us is freedom. We don't need to do it all on our own. We can't do it all on our own. This idea scared the living daylights out of me until i thought.. wait a sec, I don't think this means I'm alone. I think this might be where faith comes into play. Maybe trusting in God means realizing we can't control life and still feeling safe.

I'm not saying its a bad thing to hope and dream. I think it's a wonderful thing to have dreams and the courage to persue them. I'm not even saying it's a bad thing to plan. I do believe we can control how we see the world, we can work towards goals and achieve them, I believe it can take deep courage to follow what one feels called to do. But what I think it is also good to remember is that it's not really about where you end up.. if planning helps people feel good now then great....but if the planning takes you away from the now, if you are putting your happiness hand in hand with your goals, i might encourage you to remember that the now is all we ever have.

I would like to live a courageous life where I am aware of my lack of control and instead of denying this fact, I fully embrace it, as I fully embrace the belief that I am not alone. That someone out there knows more then I do and will help me to stand in the present and guide me into the future.